2 am, a so fresh Sunday morning or a sleepless Saturday night a few categorize, 4 more hours for Sunday morning cricket. I, right from my child hood have been a part of this Sunday cricket. Except for my close to two years stay away from Chennai this has been my routine. The restless week before demanded some afternoon rest that I couldn't sleep now. That’s fine; I have 4 hours and a reason to pen down the first blog of the year.
It is extremely hard to write or even think about something thing that is not actually on the mind. I have to win over my conscious and sub conscious together that has got completely occupied by a thought, a feel and a desire. This piece of writing will stay as something special as I do not know how this challenge will be to compete my mind with Will. Fingers crossed on the outcome. !!
Friday evening 7 15, almost the entire office was working. With a little surprise, I started packing my stuffs to catch the 7 30 shuttle. Well, it is a weekend, what the hell you are still doing in front of this monitor I asked couple of my friends. They did not have any priority issues or not even a necessity to stay couple more hours to save India from the next economic crisis. Then why on earth you guys still here?? One replied, what will I do after going home? Let me stay. That’s fantastic; I started walking towards the bus depot.
Slowly the bus seats started feeling heavy, the clutch got gently released. What am I doing tonight? May be a movie?? Oh no, I almost watched all the movies running, nothing is worth enough for second time then what else? Few more options and its pros and corns kept me busy for the next few minutes until I felt that bus was moving so slowly for a Friday evening.
The feel that I need to sit for 90 more minutes to reach home and do any damn plan I finalize frustrated me like hell. Just couple of seconds, I almost abused all the authorities behind this SEZ plans and their innovative ideas to screw our lives in all 5 directions by keeping all the offices a minimum 30km away from city. Okay close your eyes, the one next to me taught how to deal with these frustrations, wait a minute, not just him, the one behind me, the one beside him, in front of him, next to the one in front of him, everyone, almost everyone was sleeping. Thank god at least the driver was awake!!!
Yes I come every single morning seeing them sleep and go home seeing them sleep. I asked one of my friends about his weekend plan, he said I will sleep. No activities? I asked him, he said, dude, it has been more than a half a dozen of years since I did some. I get very tired in the weekdays that I sleep all weekend and yes I might watch a movie or two he said with eyes wide open. That’s cool dude, at least you manage to go out and have some fun I said, at least this. He laughed and said I have a laptop why will I go out. He laughed again. That’s fantastic again. Not just him, for me he represented a bunch of people who exactly does what he has been doing.
I decided my very close Tea shop for this Friday night. This is my let out, my relaxation and one of my favorite places in the world. The person I met in the office was all over my mind that I kept wondering what is happiness according to him. How could he live with absolutely no special interests in life apart from work? Is he super passionate about the work he is doing that he lost interest in every other thing? Certainly not, I have heard him say that ‘damn it the work, it sucks’, then why? I kept thinking until my friend gave me a cup of Tea to break the silence.
We started discussing on the one I met; this person has my complete respect as he is the one among the lot I know who is passionately chasing his dreams. At least you are going for it mate, we have lost it in the way. Situations have invaded out passions very badly that lot of us doesn't really know what we are up to. Many of us don’t really remember what we wanted and what we are chasing. All we have is a comfortable today and an arguable better tomorrow that’s it. We lost our passion before we actually had one. Yes, 5 out of 10 want to become a cricketer, 3 in the movies and the rest doesn't have one to go behind. When many have no serious passion other than this, this clumsiness in achieving it is expected. Isn’t it?
He said it has been 10 long years since I’m behind this, 10 years is too long for any dream to go for, I did not sacrifice anything for anyone which is guilty. It is too late to even think about changing anything now. Now I’m left with nothing but chasing it. I know I’m close to living it but the pain I’m coming across is nothing in front of whatever I’m gonna achieve. This is difficult.
True, maybe we have lost our passions in the mid way, maybe we have got the situations that ruined what we wanted to become, maybe we did not find the right path or guidance, maybe we might have achieved something big with a ‘if’ clause somewhere. But this doesn’t stop us from living our interest. Passion, we can leave it for now, but, interests?? Is it that complicated to live our interest? Do situations have to do anything about that? Can’t we get satisfied by at least living our own small interests? Why all of a sudden we let our laziness demand and command what we should be interested in?
I know few of my friends, who are excellent artists, many good singers, few exceptionally good dancers and some naturally talented athletes and cricketers, what happened to them the moment they started working? Is the artist, singer, dancer or athlete die when they get their first salary? Why aren’t we living our interests? Is somebody’s interest is just play stations? Isn’t that an interest controlled by laziness? Do we really do some activity that our heart and soul can together cherish it for some moment. Can’t we at least dedicate these weekends to live our very own interest?
Not sure how many Sundays we all still have, if we are lucky maybe a 1500 or may be a 100 or 200 more if you are luckier? Why is that they all going in vain? Aren’t we gonna regret on the very last weekend of our lives? Questions are plenty.
With these questions put in front of you all, I heard mom talking from her room, dint you sleep all night? I said yes mom I did, I just got up. Time is nearing 6. She is up to give me a cup of coffee and biscuits. She never lets me go with empty stomach. I remember telling her not to do a 1000 times, never succeeded. She does it again and again and again. Now I get to know that it’s her interest. She is winning over her laziness to go for her interest. Why should I stop? I would not from now.
I started feeling drowsy, I have two choices, go and sleep or go with my interest; I know what I will choose. If not for this I might have chose to sleep 4 hours ago. Yes, I’m living my little interests that are satisfying me and trying to find some meaning for my weekends. I now respect my interests; my beloved interests that are the only remedy for my lost passion whenever I think it is lost. Aaromaley.. !!
Wish you all a very happy Valentine’s Day in advance.
Between, the feel, the thought and the desire will remain a secret. That’s fantastic. !!!
